Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
