When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
