Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
