Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
