before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wear drunk well.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
