And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize