also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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