My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
