I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
