I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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