Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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