i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
