Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize