um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
