i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I need mimosas to revive my soul
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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