i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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