Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize