the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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