what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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