"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
