This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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