I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
