i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
