If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
