All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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