i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
