Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
