please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
