So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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