Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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