I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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