We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize