What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
