That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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