Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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