If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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