just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we made out on top of his cat.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
