if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
