I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
