GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize