Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
