I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
