I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
