I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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