i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
