I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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