I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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