is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
