I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
