And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
