yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
