Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
