you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have fence marks all over my body
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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