I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
