The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
