Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it glows. i had to have it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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