you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
