im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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