I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
