I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize