If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize