Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Alive.
So much puke
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
