i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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