He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize