i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
