I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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