You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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