So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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