So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
