woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
