It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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