It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
