Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
