I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am midnight drunk by noon
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
