Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
