Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
