he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
