I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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