So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
