I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
