After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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