just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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