There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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