C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
