i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
