Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
