Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
