Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
