I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
