I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
