Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
