SEEEEXXX PLEASE
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just pee around me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
