Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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