I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
