yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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